The Best Hug I've Ever Seen

Emily flew home as a surprise for Jessica's 40th. Declan stole the show.

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On Wednesday morning I woke up early to get my sister Emily from the airport in Orlando. She had flown through the night, taken the red eye from Los Angeles. Her trip was a surprise for our sister Jessica, whose 40th birthday would be arriving one day later. It was also Emily’s first time being back since Christmas. My brother-in-law Sean and I were the only ones who knew about the homecoming.

Em didn’t sleep a single minute on the flight, but from the moment she got in my car, Starbucks in hand, we started planning the surprises.

First up was our mom. She lives just a few miles from me and we see each other a lot. I mentioned a gift that I’d been meaning to give her, and asked if it would be okay to drop it off.

“Of course!”

We rang the doorbell and Emily sat down on the bench maybe six feet away. When our mom opened the door, she saw me first and then Emily. She gasped in disbelief. This was followed by a soft “Oh Emily,” as Em stood up to hug her. “Oh my God. You’re home.” They held each other for a long time, Mom pulling back now and then just to look at Emily.

A video of the moment is up on Instagram and our friend Lauren commented, “Gentle Janet. This is the best.” I loved that. To know our mother is to know gentleness personified. She was clearly moved by Emily’s surprise, and yet there was a beautiful peace about the way that she responded, as if the world was made right again. Her youngest daughter had returned home. Home itself had been restored.

Next up was Jessica, the official reason for Em’s epic arrival. We figured out that Jess was at work, at the TWLOHA office. I’ve only been back a couple times since I left the organization two summers ago. It remains a complicated place for me. I was also super tired and had a counseling appointment coming up in a few hours, so it crossed my mind to say goodbye for now, to let Emily and my mom go. I had taken the early shift and they could take it from here. But then I decided this was an important moment. Emily had flown across the country to surprise Jess as she turned 40. I wanted to be there to witness the surprise.

We got to TWLOHA and made our way to Jess’s office, but she wasn't there. We asked a couple of her coworkers if they knew where we could find her, but they weren’t sure. Maybe she was in the bathroom. We decided just to stay and wait in her office. I took one of the front corners of the room, hoping I was hidden. Em took a seat behind Jessica’s desk. TWLOHA is big on decorating for birthdays and so the doorway to Jess’s office was filled with streamers, meaning you could only partially see in or out.

A minute later we heard her. As Jessica stepped through the streamers, we got our second gasp of the morning. I think she was genuinely scared at first, not expecting to find a person in her space, but that quickly gave way to a deep choppy almost-laughing “ooooohhh.” Jess paused for a second, and then walked in with a huge smile. Emily stood up and stepped toward her and they embraced.

Jess: “Oh my gosh.”

Emily: “Surprise!”

Jess wiped the tears from her eyes, gathered herself, and then addressed the small crowd now watching from the hallway: “I got my sister for my birthday.”

From here the plan was to head to Jessica’s, to be there when Landon and Declan got home from soccer practice. Emily is “Auntie Em,” I’m “Uncle Jamie,” and our mom is of course “Grandma.” The boys, 11 and 9, have added so much joy of our family—constant laughter and sweetness and play.

I mentioned in another post a couple weeks ago that my nephews are a tougher crowd these days. As Landon and Declan have gotten older, they don’t laugh at every joke, don’t find every story interesting. You have to work harder to keep their attention. They’re both still amazing and kind—we know they love us—but they’re becoming their own people, with opinions and interests of their own. Because of this, I don’t think any of us knew how they would respond. They adore their Auntie Em. She lived with them for six months before moving to LA. What would their reactions be when she suddenly appeared for the first time since December? We didn’t know.

When the front door opened, all of us were out of sight. Jess was in the kitchen. My mom and I were hiding around the corner by the bathroom. Emily was crouched down low, next to the couch in the living room. Declan saw her first. Landon walked in a second later.

“Auntie Em-eez,” Landon said as he ran toward her.

“Hiiiiii,” she responded.

As Declan made his way toward Emily, walking slowly with his hands covering his mouth, we realized he was crying.

“Declaaaan. Buddyyyyy. Hi,” Emily said sweetly as Declan joined his big brother in hugging her.

“Is Grandma in on this too?” Landon asked as he stepped away, clearly happy.

Declan didn’t let go. He didn’t say a word. He just continued to hug Emily. They were standing by the couch and so Emily sat down. Declan, still holding on, simply melted. He was now sitting on Em’s lap, head tilted low in the nook between her shoulder and her face. Emily held the back of his head, her thumb moving gently across Declan’s short hair. By this point all of us were crying. Something powerful was happening.

The scene continued. Declan didn’t let go. He still had not said a single word. The two of them just held each other. None of us knew exactly what Declan was thinking but it was clear that we were witnessing pure love.

Eventually Jess checked in. She crouched down and put her hand on Declan’s back. He stood up and hugged her, clearly still overcome by emotion.

I mentioned earlier that Declan walked in ahead of Landon, but it was Landon who got to Emily first. I didn’t know this in the moment, because my view was blocked. I could see as Declan got to Emily, but not before. In watching the video, what I had witnessed became even more powerful.

Once Declan sees Emily, he stops. He looks back at Landon and then walks toward him, mouth open, expressing disbelief. At this point I just thought Declan was being playful, a form of silly performance, about to tell Landon the big news. But he doesn’t engage his brother. He puts his hands over his mouth and then over his eyes. Landon runs right by him.

Before Declan can even approach his Auntie Em, before a hug or any words, he needs a moment to process the scene he just stepped into. Emily’s presence alone, her return after six months away, has overwhelmed him.

Officially, Emily showing up was the surprise. But the surprise that stole the show, the moment we’ve all been talking about, is the way Declan responded. I’ve watched the video 20 times. I keep sending it to friends. The story kept coming up at Jessica’s party. And I’ve been trying to figure out why it means so much, why the video keeps making people cry, even those who don’t know our family.

It’s rare we get to see what one person means to another. We are aware in theory of who loves us and who we love. Hopefully we tell them and we’re told, at the end of a phone call or a visit, and hopefully we don’t take the words for granted. But for the most part, on most days, in my experience there is a lack of urgency. Because we’re all just going about our lives. We want the person to know but at the same time no one is crying. “I love you” tends to be expressed as a matter of fact.

Declan didn’t say a word but he made it absolutely clear how much his Auntie Em means to him. My Mom and Jess did this as well. What a beautiful thing to witness someone’s physical response to being surprised by someone they love.

Over the last year I’ve become a big fan of the idea that technology can be used for connection. This comes after witnessing and participating in countless beautiful moments during small-group conversations held on Zoom. We can use technology as a tool for knowing and loving the people in our lives, whether it’s Zoom or some equivalent, FaceTime or text or an old-fashioned phone call. But seeing Declan’s response to Emily reminded me that nothing beats being in a room with someone. Nothing beats red eyes after a red eye flight across the country. Nothing beats a hug, a kiss, the tears of someone else against your shirt.

More than anything, nothing beats letting someone know how much they mean to us. Emily did this for Jess and for our family. Money is tight and yet it was worth the cost of a plane ticket. It was worth a night without sleeping. It was worth the effort and the time, to show up for her sister’s birthday. Jessica and our mom showed Emily how much she means to them by the way they responded to the gift of her presence. Landon responded by running across the house. He couldn’t wait to hug his aunt.

And then of course Declan. Someday soon I want to ask him to tell me the story, what he felt when he saw Emily, what the moment looked like through his eyes. I’m not sure if he’ll have words or want to go there. And if he doesn’t, that’s okay. I’m forever grateful that I got to witness their exchange, the beautiful picture of relationship, a reminder of what love is when it cannot be held by words.

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As I was leaving Jessica’s house on the day before her birthday, after picking up Emily and after the surprises, when I got to the front door, I turned around.

“Hey Declan,” I said.

“Yes?”

“I just want you to know that I love how much you love your Auntie Em.”

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After a short break, I’m starting to fire up the small-group conversations again. Join me Friday, June 30 for “I Wish I Had More Friends.”

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Happy 40th Birthday to my sister Jessica!