Thank you so much for these words, Jamie. I know they found me at the perfect time by finding me today.
For the past while I've been feeling lost, wondering why I'm taking up space on this planet if it's so hard for me to be a functioning human being every day. I finally had the courage to post that it had me feeling very low and lonely yesterday and this morning I had a message from a friend who I've not spoken with in years, and he gave me the space I needed to talk and just feel connected with someone and when we finished the conversation I felt like a light had been reignited in me, a renewed strength perhaps, and in seeing your words written here, I realised I hadn't given myself permission to simply feel the way I was feeling, and so I'd gotten stuck in feeling like I was broken, and focusing on what I'm not able to do instead of trying to find things that help me to feel happy.
But I feel like today started to turn things around and I'm grateful for that, so thank you again for sharing this with us all Jamie. You're an amazing writer and human being!
Sebastian, I, too, have felt lost and an unreasonable amount guilty for taking up space on this planet. This whole being human, it is so challenging. It takes bravery to be vulnerable. I am so glad you allowed yourself to share and gave yourself the permission to feel. You owe it to yourself to exist in, with, alongside your feelings. All of it is real and valid. Thank you so much for sharing. We both deserve to take up space on this planet, even if being human is difficult for us right now.
Oh Jamie, my friend. You must’ve known I needed this today. It circles back to our conversation last week about how there are these “milestones” we are supposed to hit during certain ages or age brackets (with me turning 30 in about a month and some change) and how isolating and lonely that can feel. It made me not present in my own life for the past decade. I’ve been realizing that recently and it’s been doing nothing for me except for leading to a lot of shame in the now. If I had the life I wanted back then….wow. None of those are even things I want or need right now, but entering a new decade of this short life alone is a really difficult and complex thing for me to sit with. There’s been so much heartbreak during this decade for me — Arguably my most painful, especially within the past three years. Today is a day that something awful happened to me, a major trauma; and during my counseling session with my therapist tonight, I felt that heartbreak all over again. And I am allowing myself to feel the rage, the pain, the isolation and loneliness, the heartbreak all over again. You already know I’m crying listening to Fix You while commenting here, but I needed this. Today, I have the privilege to feel. How lonely and barren my life was when I tried to numb all of those feelings. I owe it to myself to feel. And I think that’s the most empowering part of all — getting to a place in my life where I genuinely feel like I owe it to myself to feel, to heal, to grieve, and to evolve.
I have been a stranger in my own life for a long time, feeling so out of touch with myself and the present moment.
I will no longer be a stranger in my own life, but hopefully a familiar face, someone that I love. A person I welcome in with open arms. With a smile, a hug, and a warm cup of coffee. Feeling present and in the moment. While this may feel like tug-of-war with my go-to response of putting myself in cruise control, on autopilot, being present is the greatest gift I can give to myself. And I am allowing myself to laugh at me accidentally writing a pun.
I have been surviving for this past decade.
I want to start living in this next decade.
And I owe that to myself.
There IS still time. Younger me didn’t even think I’d live to see 21, let alone 30. That is resilience.
Thank you for the reminder that I desperately needed, especially today.
Writing everything in this comment, start to finish — it all lined up almost perfectly, unexplainably. Cosmically. The emotions were felt almost like they were supposed to feel while listening to a song like this. It was pretty poetic, I guess I have had my coming of age era moment. I will remember this moment forever.
You’re awesome Jay. Thanks for being here and thanks for choosing to share. You’re not behind, I promise. You are right on time. And you are most definitely not alone. We need you with us, for many years to come.
Thank you for creating the space and for creating through writing. You have inspired me to really start thinking about sharing my writing and just putting it into the world and not judging myself for it. Or changing the wording a million times. Or caring about punctuation or proper grammar because I will edit a comment, an email, a text at least 20 times and who cares? Ha! Your vulnerability inspires and has a trickle down effect of vulnerability from others. Thanks for writing. We need you, too, Jamie. For many years to come.
Thank you so much for these words, Jamie. I know they found me at the perfect time by finding me today.
For the past while I've been feeling lost, wondering why I'm taking up space on this planet if it's so hard for me to be a functioning human being every day. I finally had the courage to post that it had me feeling very low and lonely yesterday and this morning I had a message from a friend who I've not spoken with in years, and he gave me the space I needed to talk and just feel connected with someone and when we finished the conversation I felt like a light had been reignited in me, a renewed strength perhaps, and in seeing your words written here, I realised I hadn't given myself permission to simply feel the way I was feeling, and so I'd gotten stuck in feeling like I was broken, and focusing on what I'm not able to do instead of trying to find things that help me to feel happy.
But I feel like today started to turn things around and I'm grateful for that, so thank you again for sharing this with us all Jamie. You're an amazing writer and human being!
Sebastian, I, too, have felt lost and an unreasonable amount guilty for taking up space on this planet. This whole being human, it is so challenging. It takes bravery to be vulnerable. I am so glad you allowed yourself to share and gave yourself the permission to feel. You owe it to yourself to exist in, with, alongside your feelings. All of it is real and valid. Thank you so much for sharing. We both deserve to take up space on this planet, even if being human is difficult for us right now.
Oh Jamie, my friend. You must’ve known I needed this today. It circles back to our conversation last week about how there are these “milestones” we are supposed to hit during certain ages or age brackets (with me turning 30 in about a month and some change) and how isolating and lonely that can feel. It made me not present in my own life for the past decade. I’ve been realizing that recently and it’s been doing nothing for me except for leading to a lot of shame in the now. If I had the life I wanted back then….wow. None of those are even things I want or need right now, but entering a new decade of this short life alone is a really difficult and complex thing for me to sit with. There’s been so much heartbreak during this decade for me — Arguably my most painful, especially within the past three years. Today is a day that something awful happened to me, a major trauma; and during my counseling session with my therapist tonight, I felt that heartbreak all over again. And I am allowing myself to feel the rage, the pain, the isolation and loneliness, the heartbreak all over again. You already know I’m crying listening to Fix You while commenting here, but I needed this. Today, I have the privilege to feel. How lonely and barren my life was when I tried to numb all of those feelings. I owe it to myself to feel. And I think that’s the most empowering part of all — getting to a place in my life where I genuinely feel like I owe it to myself to feel, to heal, to grieve, and to evolve.
I have been a stranger in my own life for a long time, feeling so out of touch with myself and the present moment.
I will no longer be a stranger in my own life, but hopefully a familiar face, someone that I love. A person I welcome in with open arms. With a smile, a hug, and a warm cup of coffee. Feeling present and in the moment. While this may feel like tug-of-war with my go-to response of putting myself in cruise control, on autopilot, being present is the greatest gift I can give to myself. And I am allowing myself to laugh at me accidentally writing a pun.
I have been surviving for this past decade.
I want to start living in this next decade.
And I owe that to myself.
There IS still time. Younger me didn’t even think I’d live to see 21, let alone 30. That is resilience.
Thank you for the reminder that I desperately needed, especially today.
Writing everything in this comment, start to finish — it all lined up almost perfectly, unexplainably. Cosmically. The emotions were felt almost like they were supposed to feel while listening to a song like this. It was pretty poetic, I guess I have had my coming of age era moment. I will remember this moment forever.
You’re awesome Jay. Thanks for being here and thanks for choosing to share. You’re not behind, I promise. You are right on time. And you are most definitely not alone. We need you with us, for many years to come.
Thank you for creating the space and for creating through writing. You have inspired me to really start thinking about sharing my writing and just putting it into the world and not judging myself for it. Or changing the wording a million times. Or caring about punctuation or proper grammar because I will edit a comment, an email, a text at least 20 times and who cares? Ha! Your vulnerability inspires and has a trickle down effect of vulnerability from others. Thanks for writing. We need you, too, Jamie. For many years to come.