What's My Purpose?

(Or is that a bunch of bullshit?) Some thoughts before this evening's conversation.

“You’re so lucky. You found your purpose. I’m trying to find mine.”

I’ve heard some version of this many times, though not as often lately. From 2006 to 2021, the years I spent at To Write Love on Her Arms, people loved to celebrate the fact that I had found my purpose. I did my best not only to receive the kind words, but also to keep in mind the privilege of doing a job that felt meaningful. It’s a rare and special thing to get to bring your heart to work.

But if TWLOHA was my life’s purpose, what happens when I’m no longer at TWLOHA? What’s my purpose now? In successful for-profit cases, a founder might sell the company or receive a giant payout when they leave. TWLOHA is a non-profit, which is to say that I did not get rich. Which means I need to keep working. Is my purpose still the same? Does our purpose change with time?

Is it just me or do we live in a world that is a little-bit obsessed with the p word? Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life, which came out back in 2002, went on to sell more than 34 million copies. It seems that people have been talking purpose ever since.

I’m not sure it’s helpful. (To be clear, I don’t mean Rick’s book. I haven’t read it. ADHD. Though I have met Rick and he was super nice.) What I mean is, I wonder if too much emphasis has been placed on the idea of purpose. And I wonder if that emphasis ends up translating to a lot of pressure, another thing for folks to fear they’re missing out on, another way that we’re not doing quite enough. If I don’t have a defined singular purpose for my life, am I doing something wrong? In terms of identity, I’m a son, a brother, an uncle, a dog dad, and a friend. That’s before we get to anything I do for work. Do these titles relate to my purpose? Is it okay to have more than one?

Like so many things in life, perhaps transitions are the hardest. If someone’s purpose is found in being a mother, what happens when their kid goes off to college? Or gets married and takes a job across the country? What happens when a mother experiences the heartbreak of losing their child? What do these things mean for someone’s purpose? And how do we begin to go about redefining our purpose as we step into a new season?

Where I’m landing is that Purpose (with a capital P) feels like a lot of unneccesary pressure, but I do like the idea of purpose when it’s lowercase. I like the idea of organizing my life around things that feel meaningful and purposeful. I even like the idea of big goals and big dreams that help remind me where I hope to go. But I refuse to believe my purpose is limited to one word or one thing, and I refuse to believe my purpose has already passed me by.

Maybe we all have opportunities big and small to live with purpose every day. And over time, as we live in these directions, as we choose to celebrate the meaning that we find along the way, I wonder if it adds up to a life we can be proud of, a life we can feel good about, a life we can enjoy.

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If this subject interests you, please consider joining tonight’s small-group conversation. What’s My Purpose? is happening at 7pm ET and there are still a couple spots available. It would be great to have you in the mix!

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If you’re curious about other upcoming conversations, you can check those out here.

Earlier this month I had the honor of being a keynote speaker at the Wyoming Suicide Prevention Symposium. The event reminded me how much I appreciate every opportunity to tell stories and communicate ideas that I believe in. If you're curious about having me share a message of encouragement and hope with your coworkers, students, or community, I would love that. The team at Collective Speakers is available to help.