"What if we fear that all of the remaining surprises might be bad?"

A question and an answer on a Friday.

A woman named Mary reached out after participating in a recent small-group conversation. I was moved by her question and, with Mary’s permission, I wanted to share it here along with my answer.

“Thank you again for leading a lovely conversation. I’ve been trying to focus on your reading at the end, especially the line, ‘There is still some time to be surprised.’ But the shooting in Nashville has left me heartsick. What can we do when we fear that all of the remaining surprises in life might be bad ones? Or more shock than surprise?” 

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Hi Mary.

You’re so welcome. Here are a couple thoughts in response. 

1. This is a huge question and it’s one I believe a lot of people can relate to right now. You deserve the space and support to process what you’re feeling. I would put counseling at the top of the list. 

2. Every good story involves conflict. How many movies or shows have you loved where the hero or the main character has to overcome difficult odds? I have a friend who I look up to in many ways. He is a hopeful and encouraging voice in my life. I’ve heard this friend say more than once, “None of us are getting out of here alive.” I don’t think he says it to be dark or scary. It feels like a reminder to live while we can.

We can’t know what the surprises will be. Likely a mix of good and bad. If surprises aren’t doing it for you right now, then maybe it’s about staying for what you already know to be true: The people you love. The people who love you. The problems you can help solve. The places and activities and favorite things that are unique to you. I believe all of this stuff makes life worth living, even on the hardest weeks, even after awful headlines.

One of my favorite quotes is, “Hope is a commitment to the future.” Which suggests that hope is not about circumstance. Maybe instead it’s about choosing to stay, choosing to find the good, and choosing to find connection, no matter what. I’ve come to believe that connection makes life worth living. We can survive just about anything if we are known and loved along the way.

I hope this helps a little bit. Thanks for reaching out.

jamie

PS: As it relates to Nashville specifically, even in the midst of fear, even if political discussions make us uncomfortable, I believe we have to continue to demand common-sense gun laws. Mass shootings don’t happen in so many countries around the world. We can learn from what works elsewhere. (Short version: Access changes everything.) Check out Everytown and Moms Demand to learn more.

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If you’re curious about participating in a small-group conversation, there are three coming up.