"What are some of your favorite tiny joys?"

A question and ten answers on a Thursday.

Once a week, usually on Fridays, I like to answer a question here. There are exceptions of course. Last Friday I wrote about seeing Thrice with Renee. This week (right now) it’s happening on a Thursday. (I actually started yesterday but had a group last night.) The questions come from paid subscribers and I’m super grateful for these folks. In addition to having access to all of the posts, the comments and chat are reserved for them. If you believe my writing has value and if you want to join the conversation, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.

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Jolene asked this one.

I’m a sucker for a good list and so, with a nod to Matt Haig, I will answer with a list.

Disclaimer: I didn’t exactly nail the tiny part of Jolene’s question. It’s probably more accurate to think of this as a list of things that bring me joy. Sizes may vary.

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Gracie. My best friend is a little black yorki poo. She weighs ten pounds. I could do a whole list of tiny joys that only come from Gracie, because she’s the highlight of so many days. That might be obvious considering the photo I chose for the launch of Ever Get Home.

Some specific tiny joys: How excited Gracie gets any time she hears the word Grandma. She kisses the phone when we FaceTime my mom. Head tilts when she’s listening. Gracie fully watches television with me. (Her reaction to seeing animals on the screen brings me less joy.) The way she likes to sleep against my back. At the cafe, Gracie basically gets in line (or skips the line) waiting for a treat. She sits patiently hoping someone behind the counter will eventually see her. It makes me smile every time.

My morning routine. For over a decade now, whether I’m home or on the road, my days almost always start the same. I go to Starbucks. I order an iced coffee and something to eat. For years it was a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese but then they got rid of cinnamon raisin, so lately I’ve been getting two blueberry scones. Then I sit and read about what’s happening in the world of basketball. Yup, no matter what is going on in my life, regardless of the day’s schedule, I read hoopshype.com. Lately after that I have a look at beachgrit.com, which is surfing’s equivalent, and then I make my way to Apple News.

Favorite shows and podcasts. People are sometimes surprised to find out I’m an introvert. I’m comfortable being around humans and communicating with humans. But when it comes to where I get my energy, I definitely need time alone and time I can be quiet. I love getting lost in a television show or podcast episode. It’s been an interesting week for favorite shows. In the last four days, I’ve watched the series finales of my top two—Succession and Ted Lasso. I’ve also been enjoying Silo, which is a new show from Apple. On the podcast front, I love Bill Simmons. He talks about sports—especially basketball—and some pop culture too. I’m a big fan of SmartLess as well. Where podcasts and TV collide, I’m currently making my way through the SmartLess: On the Road docuseries.

Kelly Oxford’s Substack. I subscribe to several different Substacks but Kelly Oxford’s is my favorite. She’s a great writer and she’s hilarious. Kelly’s honesty is inspiring and I love that she writes about everything from dating to divorce to being a single mom in Los Angeles. We hear about her pets, her friends, whatever’s on her mind. I read every single post and they always make me smile. Check out Permanent Retrograde.

Writing again. After years away for various reasons, it has definitely been a joy to write again. I had forgotten how good it feels to get lost in the process of writing. Sometimes I’ll sit down to work on a post and tell myself it might take a couple hours. Six hours later I’m still writing. Today is a good example of that.

Surfing again. Last week I wrote about finally going surfing after months of talking about it. Well there’s more good news—I went surfing two days ago! Once again the waves were terrible but it felt great to be back in the ocean. When I was younger, surfing was more about performance—wanting to be good at it—and having fun. These days, it’s definitely still fun but I’m also aware that there are layers, that it helps me on multiple levels. Surfing is good exercise. It’s good for me both physically and mentally. I like how I feel when I’m surfing and I like how I feel hours after and the next day as well. I’m less stressed. I’m less intense. I like myself more. I like life more. Living in the town I grew up in, there is a social aspect too. It’s something I can do with friends, whether we plan to go together or I just end up seeing familiar faces in the water.

Witnessing moments of connection. Brené Brown defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.” Over and over in small-group conversations since last fall, I get to watch and listen as someone chooses to be vulnerable, and their vulnerability is met with kindness and compassion. Last night as a group was wrapping up, one of the participants said, “I’ve felt safer and more comfortable in the last three hours than in the last three years.” Hearing something like that definitely brings me joy.

Public speaking. My agent Sean likes to say that in 15+ years of working together, I’ve never turned down an invitation to speak. (It’s worth noting that by the time an invite gets to me, Sean and his team have done the work of making sure the deal makes sense.) We both like to smile at the fact that I don’t only say yes, I tend to say yes instantly. The money helps of course, especially now that I’m self-employed, but there’s a bigger picture. Being handed a microphone and a stage is a privilege. Anyone giving me their attention for an extended period of time, this is a privilege as well. The hope is to offer words that move and challenge, and more than anything the goal is to encourage whoever might be listening. Travel is the icing on the cake. Speaking events have taken me to all 50 states and countries around the world. Being able to explore new places has been super special and I still really enjoy that part.

If you’re curious about putting me to work, whether it’s for an in-person or virtual event, keynote or workshop, big crowd or small group, you can learn more here.

Sunset walks. If you follow me on Instagram, you may already be familiar with my neighbor Alice. Alice is 101 years old. Every single day, she walks to the river with her daughter to watch the sunset. Gracie and I will often join them. Walking is obviously good exercise for Gracie and for me. I love our little river park and of course it’s beautiful to see the colors in the sky and on the water. But for me the highlight tends to be Alice. We may only get a few minutes together, sometimes just a moment, but the time tends to feel sacred. I do my best to listen and ask questions and cherish what she shares.

My nephews. Last but not least. Landon is 11. Declan is 9. Getting to be their Uncle Jamie is one of the best parts of my life. It’s been amazing to watch them grow and change and learn, to see the world through their eyes and be there as they try new things. I love cheering for them, sometimes literally like when they’re playing soccer, and sometimes quietly like when one of them is having a hard moment or a difficult day.

It’s not as easy to keep their attention as they get older. They now have opinions about what interests them and how they want to spend their time. In a way, this makes the moments of connection even sweeter, and I don’t mind putting in the effort. Seeing them smile, hearing them laugh, listening as they make sense of different situations, even simply getting to be together—these things bring me so much joy.

Landon and Declan may not always think I’m cool and that’s okay. Cool is not my biggest aim. I hope they always know I love them.

Honorable Mention: I somehow made a list of things that bring me joy without including music. May the record please state that music brings me joy as well.

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