"Any advice for moving on from something you thought was meant for you?"
Changes come. Reality is the best place to live.
From time to time, I like to answer questions here. The questions come from paid subscribers, whose support I’m very grateful for.
Breanna asked, “Do you have any advice for how to move on from something you thought was meant for you, but it didn’t work out? I applied for this amazing job that sounded like a perfect fit. They told me I was a top contender and then I never heard from them again despite trying to follow up. I still think about that job as I continue to search. It’s hard to feel excited about applying somewhere else.”
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Hi Breanna.
First off, thank you for your question. My hunch is that a lot of people can relate to what you’re describing. I know I can. Before we get to the advice part, it feels important to acknowledge the hurt. I’m sorry for the disappointment and confusion you’ve been navigating as you’ve tried to move on after applying for this job. Those feelings definitely make sense. The job was something you wanted, something that seemed like a good fit, and you were told you were a top contender—all reasons to be hopeful. Rejection communicated perfectly is hard enough. It’s understandable that the lack of clarity would only make it harder.
My advice would be to give yourself permission to process your emotions. If you feel disappointed or confused, that’s okay. If you feel frustrated or sad, that makes sense. All of this means you care and all of it means you’re human.
Because painful situations often lead to isolation, I hope you’ll share with other people. You may know that I’m a big fan of therapy / counseling. This is especially true when it comes to disappointment. I’m thankful for a safe space to talk about whatever might be bothering me. My counselor is uniquely skilled and trained, so I value her ability to help guide me through difficult moments and seasons.
Our sessions continue to feel vital, but it’s important that I also share with people other than my counselor. I want to be honest with my close friends and my family. I want to let them really know me, and of course I want to know them too.
Perhaps the next step is more challenging. While it’s fine and even important to feel our feelings, they don’t get to steer the ship. At a certain point, what we feel has to take a backseat to our choices and our actions. We have to focus on the actual present rather than a future we imagined. Reality—today, this moment now—is where real change begins to takes place.
You used the phrase meant for you. For what it’s worth, in my own life I’ve come to wonder if the idea that things are meant for me tends to do more harm than good. I wonder if it’s more accurate, and more helpful, to simply acknowledge that there are things I want and things I hope for. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they work out for a while and then eventually they don’t. Disappointment is part of life. Endings and false starts happen. Changes come. There is a lot that makes no sense, a lot that’s far from fair. I try to remain grateful for the good, and for every day it stays, but I’ve got to remember to hold the good stuff loosely.
My hope is that you will keep applying for jobs, even as the one you mentioned lingers. I hope someday soon there is another possibility, another one that feels like a good fit, and instead of ghosting you, this time they end up hiring you. I can imagine that the process won’t be easy, but in terms of getting what you want, landing in a position you feel good about, I do believe it’s worth it.
We could let that be the last word but connection comes to mind again. I mentioned hoping you will share your current feelings with other people. Well, as you move forward, as you continue to search, apply, and interview, I hope you will continue to share with those around you. When it’s a hard day, tell someone. When you’re excited about a possibility, tell someone. When you’re anxious about an interview, tell someone. Let them love you. Let them know you. And then keep showing up. Keep trying. Maybe it’s less about moving on, and more about simply choosing to live in the present, choosing to embrace the messy now rather than the fantasy of what might have been.
Reality is the best place to live.
I’m rooting for you.
jamie
Upcoming small-group conversations:
2/13 - “I Would Like to Live a Love Story” (sold out)
2/14 - “I Would Like to Live a Love Story”
2/19 - “I’m Trying to Figure Out My Career”
2/24 - “What I Believe About God and What God Believes About Me”
If you’re interested in making a speaking event happen, I’m interested too. The good folks at Collective Speakers can help.
If you’re curious about connecting one-on-one, I am available for coaching and consulting on a limited basis.
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question! Your words mean more than I can properly express! I’ve taken your advice to heart and I’m starting therapy again next week. I’m working through all the emotions while keeping focus on the present and keeping an open mind and heart to whatever may be next for me. Thank you again!